In loving memory

My lovely father, Jack Olliver, passed away on July 27, 2013. The following is what I said at his funeral.


Dad was a man of integrity whose word was his bond. HE never complained and nothing was too much trouble for him. He was generous with his time, talents and possessions whenever he saw a need. Each new grandchild and great grandchild was welcomed with the same love and excitement as I expect his own firstborn was. He loved them all and they loved him.

i can't condense all that he means to me in the short time I have to speak but there is one incident I want to share which left a lasting impression on me and helped to mold me and the way I view the world.

I was about 15 years old and overheard Dad and one of his friends discussing their aspirations for their children. Dad's friend said he expected his sons to go to university and get good high paying jobs. He said he wasn't going to let them be rubbish collectors.  My father replied that if any of his children chose to be rubbish collectors, he would give his full support. His only expectation was that he or she made the effort to be the best rubbish collector they could possibly be and were reliable, honest and fair in the workplace. I felt so proud of him and determined at that time never to disappoint him. My work ethic and values were set at that time.

Dad loved me and my brothers unconditionally. He was non judgmental and gave us the freedom to explore, make our own mistakes and to learn from them.  He gave advice when asked but allowed us to make our own decisions.

Over the last few days I have heard tributes from many and realise afresh what an amazing role model he has been. Not just as a dad and grandad, but with Mum at his side, part of a marriage that has lasted 65 years. He honoured Mum whenever he could and was lost when she was not around.

Over the past year, our roles have reversed and I have had the privilege of being there for him as his needs changed and he became more dependent. Someone said to me that the end of life is like birth in reverse and as I have sat with him over the past few weeks, I have thought about this and written a little reflective piece I would like to share. Dad has passed on his love of poetry and rhyme to each generation which follows and It seems appropriate to say farewell using this medium. Unfortunately Dad, it doesn't rhyme so its not a proper poem as  far as you are concerned, but I know you would never tell me so.




Vulnerable, weak, dependent, helpless

Moments of awareness

Time to sleep, time to wash

Family times

Special memories, recollections of early days

A time of sadness, yet also celebration

Amazing strength

Determination

Tricking us - again and again

Sleeping beside him, listening to the rhythm of his breathing

My stomach in knots, holding my breath as he holds his

Lullabies, prayers, humming, tenderness in songs

Tears and laughter mingled together

Parting is never easy but as long as I live, so will you - in my heart and mind, my deeds and actions, in my children and grandchildren, for there is a large part of you passed down through the generations

You leave a legacy of love, integrity, honesty, loyalty, respectfulness and above all, unconditional love

This is not goodbye - this is, until we meet again

Xxxxxxx